I'm Sorry Sam!
So I attended a Benjamin Keith gig at the Purple Crab last Thursday night. If you haven't heard of him, please check out www.benjaminkeithmusic.com (you'll be glad you did). Well, besides being my local guitar god, this man is also my guitar teacher. Who decided that since I love Sam Roberts so much, I should come up and sing 'Brother Down' with him. Anyone who knows me, knows that I play instruments, love music, but couldn't sing to save my life (Yvonne got all of those talent genes). But the crowd was VERY forgiving (they even clapped when it was over- I think in relief, but I'll take what I can get).
Man, is the spotlight ever addictive...I can suddenly realize why people want to be famous. I always thought that I just wanted to be rich (famous is for suckers-no privacy) but it feels good to be the center of attention. Looks like I need to learn some songs in my vocal range. Uh-oh, Ben created a monster :)
In other news, if you are looking to laugh out loud, wander over to www.popblender.com It's good stuff.
Today's Horoscope
'You are being pushed to confront old memories that rise from the depths of your dreams and your subconscious mind. Don't stuff your feelings back into the shadows. Talk or write about them. Actually, there are many ways to share your innermost journey with someone close. Don't pass up this great opportunity to experience a new level of intimacy. You'll need to take a risk to have a shot at the sweet reward.
Monday, October 9, 2006 '
I find it funny to be greeted with this horoscope, when I've crawled out of bed at One AM to write an apology email that is three and a half months late and probably wouldn't have been sent. Just written, so I know that I had actually felt it.
But the horoscope never lies, does it? So, here we go.
I'm sorry I said things I didn't mean. I was trying to make you jealous. It was an immature thing to do, but I so desperately wanted you to say words to me I knew weren't going to come. I was steeling myself against disappointment, and guarding myself against hurt. It was a cowardly thing to do. I should have just told you that I was interested; that I've been interested since I first met you. That I think you are smart, creative, fun, gorgeous. That you are the best kisser that I've ever met. That you are the only man alive that knows about he second birth mark. I loathe to admit I was motivated by fear; but there it is. You are so easy to be with, that I can easily see forever with you. I am young, and that is a terrifying thought for a woman who has never committed to anyone for longer than six weeks.
I also know that my complications freak you out a bit. This hurts me, but I've never given you a chance to rise to the occasion, have I? I've just assumed you are like the others; that you will turn away instead of being strong enough to see the woman beneath challenges that have been thrown at her. I'll beat them all, eventually. But you probably already know that about me.
I know the same is true for you, even if you haven't figured it out yet. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. It's all there, inside you. You'll find it when you need it.
I hope you find what you are looking for. You are a good man, one who deserves happiness. I hope that one day we may even talk again as friends, at the very least.
Until that day, I will hold the memory of you in my bed, wrapped in each other, close to my heart. I can still feel the caress of your hand sweep my back, my arm. The thought keeps me warm in an empty room.
Homeward Bound
It's been a really long time since I've been to the boonies. Suburbia seems like such a lifetime away; growing up in Millwoods guarantees that there is nothing to do on a Friday night unless you are willing to jump in a car and go somewhere, which only reinforces the belief that you live in the middle of nowhere.
Today, at One in the PM, I decided to adventure to Fabricana. After a brief chat with translink, I was assured that it really did take and hour and a half to get there. AN HOUR AND A HALF. That's right, I spent 3 hours on a bus today. But that's ok, I saw many of the highlights of Richmond (re: none) and started reminising about the 'hood. Of the many mornings waiting in the blistering cold for a bus to pleasepleaseplease come. Or, on the days when I was running behind, to pleasepleaseplease be a few minutes off schedule...because the next one was not coming for another half hour, and I'd surely be late, or a popsicle.
I thought of the ugly ass bus shelters, and realized that bus shelters are universally ugly. No wonder taking the bus is such a reduction of social status; who would want to be seen waiting at such a homely and uncomfortable place? Graffitti, advertisments and uncomfortable benches (if any) are the highlights of so many public transportation systems. I wondered what it would be like if each neighbourhood could 'decorate' their own bus stops. Would Yaletown be sleek, concrete and metal chaise lounges? Shaunessy would be scripted Wrought Iron benches and trash bins. Any my neighborhood? hmm, I picture cobbled benches with enormous trees as cover.
That being neither here nor there, all that quality bus time had me longing for edmo; one month 'till lift off.
Happy turkey day, people. I am thankful for you all. Your love gives me strength. Let's pray it also gives me advances baking skills, my second pumpkin pie is about the come out of the oven.
Fashion (turn to the left!)
Well team,
I went to my first audition on wednesday morning. It was for a certain Host Hunt,(the waiver says I'm never allowed to speak of what happened, how hilarious is that?) because I figure if someone wants to send me around the world to sit front row at runway shows, then send me backstage to interview the designers, that's ok with me. A weekly article about fashion? Still ok by me. Could I ever give the glamour of NHW? It wouldn't be easy, but I could manage.
How hard could it be? I whipped up a little resume, highlighting my relevant experience, got there early and met the rest of the keeners, and prepared to rock the Aud. Except that when I got in front of the camera, I felt distinctly uncomfortable. I forgot how hard it is to be yourself when you are being taped. I mean, there is NO escape from the eyes; they can pause and rewind and watch over, and over. Suddenly I am doing all these mannerisms that aren't ME; I've got my hand on my hips, I'm flinging flirtatious looks over my shoulder. All in a 15 second throw to the camera (which I'm sure I royally buggered). Yeesh. Well, they told us if anything interesting happened, they'd let us know by the 14th, but I'm not holding my breath. I will say this though; I met a very cool new friend, and I was one of perhaps 5 women who did not look like an eighties reject. Cold comfort, I suppose :)
In other breaking news, I've got an interview at Quicksilver next week. That could be very cool. We'll have to see :) Yeah for Fashion! Let the weekend of sewing begin! (I'm making hot skirts, and two halloween costumes. Christine and Kim are gonna look good.)
Thank you, Stephen
Have you ever listen to an old favorite song, one you haven't heard, I mean really haven't
listened to in a long time. Isn't it weird to find that old songs have new meaning?
So I dedicate this blog to Stephen Jenkins, the lead singer of Third Eye Blind. Your debut album defined High School for me, and your lyrics are still relevant. Some songs make my gut clench in remembered angst of unrequited love; one that haunts me to this day. So I will include two sets of lyrics today. The first being 'The Background' the second being 'Motorcycle Drive-by.' One of pain, one of freedom. I still feel the pain, I still fight for the freedom. I hope to one day to be guiltless and free, instead of having the words they say so lightly only be for you.
THE BACKGROUND
(Jenkins, Cadogan)
Everything is quiet, Since you're not around,
And I live in the numbness now.
In the background.
I do the things we did before,
I walk Haight Street to the store,
And they say where's that crazy girl?
You don't get drunk on red wine, And fight no more,
I don't see you anymore,
Since the hospital,
The plans I make still have you in them,
Cause you come swimming into view,
And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do,
The words they use so lightly, I only feel for you,
I only know because I carry you around,
In the background.
I'm in the background
Words they come and memories all repeat,
Lift your head while they change the hospital sheets,
I would never lie to you, No
I would never lie to you, No
I felt you long after we were through.
When we were through
The plans I make still have you in them,
Cause you come swimming into view,
And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do,
The words they use so lightly, I only feel for you,
I only know because I carry you around,
In the background.
Cause I felt you long after we were through.
When you come swimming into view,
And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do,
The words they use so lightly, I only feel for you,
I only know because I'm way, I'm way,
In the background,
I'm in the background
MOTORCYCLE DRIVE BY
(Jenkins)
Summer time and the wind is blowing outside in lower Chelsea.
And I don't know what I'm doing in this city,
The sun is always in my eyes,
It crashes through the windows, And I'm sleeping on the couch,
When I came to visit you,
That's when I knew, That I could never have you,
I knew that before you did,
Still I'm the one who's stupid,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've never been so alive.
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by,
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, And you don't mind,
you smile,
And say the world doesn't fit with you.
I don't believe you, You're so serene.
Careening through the universe, Your axis on a tilt, You're guiltless and free,
I hope you take a piece of me with you,
And there's things I would like to do that you don't believe in,
I would like to build something, Buy you'll never going see it happen,
And there's this burning, Like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, And I've,
I've never been so alive,
And there's this burning, There is this burning ay ay ay.
Where's the soul. I want to know, New York City is evil.
The surface is everything, but I could never do that,
Someone would see through that.
And this is the last time, We'll be friends again.
I'll get over you, you'll wonder, who I am.
And there's this burning, Just like there's always been,
I've never been so alone, alone, alive, alive, I've never been so alive, so alive
I go home to the coast. It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone,
Taste the salt and taste the pain. I'm not thinking of you again,
Summer dies and swells rise,
The sun goes down in my eyes,
See this rolling wave,
Darkly coming to take me home,
And I never been so alone, And I've never been so alive.
